INSOMNIAC

  A restless soul, some unanswered questions, a few tears, the sound of silence, the shadows of the dark, bad memories of the past, a bad dream, an unfulfilled desire, the last goodbye....... 

All of the above are the reasons why i have insomnia!  

I so want to relive that time when i first felt love, stayed up all night thinking about her, blushed every time i saw her picture with me, loved the feel when my heart skipped beats as she touched me, loved my cell phone and loved all the late night talks that concluded only with the dawn, related to all the love songs, did not feel weird when things got mushy. Want to relive the FIRST TIME again, want to feel the magic again...But i know...that won’t happen the same way ever again...Once the dreams that were beautiful now wake me up as they have become nightmares. I hate it when i am alone in the house...  I can’t sleep in the nights...memories haunt me.., the bad ones. The one's that made me cry, the one's that changed me as a person, the one's that turned me into a paralyzed man once, the same one's that haunt me even today and every time manage to tear me apart. 

 I dream of all that i lived...you know, sometimes you scream and shout and ask people to believe you, sometimes you swear by every relationship that makes a difference just to prove the authenticity of each word, sometimes you beg and plead, sometimes you cry and sometimes you just put everything at stake just to prove how true you are, sometimes you let go because you don't see the point of any justification. Believe me...They shall fade away because I think I am ready to let them go. I need to break free and look at the brighter side of things. I think all of us should learn to let go, take a deep breath, and shed that last tear in the name of that bad memory and wake up to a morning of goodness. There is just too much that time can’t heal but its faith that keeps me going. How do you say good bye to a person you can't live without? I didn't say goodbye, I didn't say anythingI just walked away...

Too long...but I think I've just poured out a large chunk of what was weighing in my mind for long..

Only one person in the world knows what this is about..hope someday she reads it....